As a general rule, I dislike change.  I find life continuing on its merry way with no drastic changes a comfortable place to be. I want to be surrounded by those I love and I want things to stay constant: no death, no upheaval, and nothing else scary.

As it turns out life isn’t going to stay constant.  Day after day I notice changes even with myself.  I found three grey hairs on my head.  That is a change I could certainly do without. The laugh lines by my eyes are becoming the norm – even when I’m not smiling or laughing (I refuse to say I have wrinkles).  It takes more than a good night’s sleep to recover from playing multiple hours of volleyball.  I will never forget the Thanksgiving my sister and I realized that it was us in the kitchen cooking and not our mom and our aunts.  A new generation of adults.

My oldest son is taller than me by 10 inches.  I remember him being small enough to hold and carry all day long.  His sweet chubby hands would both fit in one of mine.  Now, he can wrap his arms around me with plenty of  arm to spare.  I can slip his shoes on to go outside because they are so much bigger than my feet.  The most traumatizing thing is that he will be starting high school in August.  HIGH SCHOOL, PEOPLE.  I remember jr. high and I remember high school.  Jr. High was where I met my life long friends and high school was when I stopped spending time with my parents.  I don’t want my kids to get old enough to not spend time with me

My daughter is only six inches shorter than me.  Her foot is a size and a half smaller.  I can wear her flip flops.  I can remember putting her sweet little curls in pig tails and dressing her like a doll.  Now, she can help me cook, fold laundry, and is daily telling me about some conversation or drama from school.  She’s old enough to want slumber parties, a cell phone, and she’s starting to talk about boys.  Time is rushing too fast for me and too slow for her.

My youngest son doesn’t want to cuddle on my lap nearly as often as he once did.  He doesn’t want me to hug him in front of his friends.  He and his friends can discuss NBA teams and actually know the names of the players and know things about their stats.  He can look a waitress in the eye and order his meal instead of being shy and ducking under the table.  He was the smallest of my babies and it’s hard for me to believe that he’s strong enough to mow the lawn himself and help with weeding and other chores.

I’m working on making my new focus the good that these changes bring.  I can’t help but see the change, but I can certainly focus more on what I’m gaining instead of on what I’m losing.

With my grey hair has come wisdom (in small doses, of course).  I may not be as spry as I used to be, but I make up for it with being fun.  Laugh lines mean that I am general happy.  The fact that they are wearing into my face in a more permanent manner means that I must laugh a lot.

My oldest is starting on the part of his life where he gets to start making choices that will shape what he will become as an adult, who he chooses for a spouse, where he will live, and so many other things.  I can see the man he is becoming and it makes my heart happy that it is someone I admire and who I want to spend more time with.

My girl is maturing into a young woman.  She is learning to deal with social situations and will hopefully learn to navigate through the craziness that is the drama of girls.  She is learning to choose her own style, her friends, and and her own activities.

My baby boy has started to free himself from his cocoon of shyness.  He’s learning that while sometimes it’s scary to talk to people the benefit generally outweighs the trauma.  He’s training himself to be a helpful husband for his future bride.   It’s really amazing to watch.

Soon, instead of losing my three kids I will be gaining three more in the form of the mates they choose.  I will be attending graduations, weddings, and baby showers for my kids.  How exciting to see what they are able to accomplish in their lives!  Changing my focus is really the key.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing”

4 thoughts on “Change

  1. Loved this, D. I don’t have kids, so it’s not the same for me, but I still go through some of the same realizations. I cannot believe how old I am and even how adult-like I have become in all the little ways.

    • The thing is – the kids don’t even have to be your own. You’ve been a teacher. You know what I’m talkin’ about. Your old students come in to see you and they are OLD. Your friends kids pass you in height. It’s all just so crazy! And, me being adult seems like someone messed up somewhere. I’m not mature enough to be an adult. Waiting for someone to jump out and say ‘just kidding!’

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