Imposter


I assume there is a point in life where I will feel like a full fledged adult.  I will feel that I am making the appropriate decisions for my self and for my family.  Surely, some day I will feel like I am not an imposter in my own life.

Supposedly, I am the person who should decide what school my children should go to.  I am also the person who is supposed to make sure that my kids are fed and clothed.  I am supposed to make sure homework is done, time isn’t squandered, and that they become law abiding citizens who contribute to society.  Talk about a lot of pressure!

There are days I wake up and I have difficulty deciding what to wear to work.  I can’t decide if I should get a burrito or a burger for lunch.  How am I supposed to make important decisions on a daily basis for my kids?

Sometimes when I am in ‘parent mode’ I feel like “hey look at me!!  I’m really doing it!” and then I think “I shouldn’t be impressed with myself – this should just be real life.  I should just DO this stuff because, I’m like … mature, and whatnot.”  Other times I seriously think that I should call my mom to do the real parenting because I am probably failing and my poor kids will need therapy very soon.

My oldest is starting high school.  That’s when things really start to seem real.   I remember high school.  I know that the grades and decisions I made in high school totally affected my life and still do to today.  I can’t believe that I am old enough to have a child that is in that same part of life.

The twins are 10.  They’ve reached the double digits and are getting to the point in life where they have to deal with gossip, personality issues, and just real life stuff.   I try to give them Godly advice, but really I just want to tell them to smack the offender and move on.   In fact, sometimes I want to smack the offender myself.   How does my mind even go that way?  Shouldn’t I have matured to the point where I want to share my mature wisdom, and I am above wanting to abuse people?

But, seriously – I’m wondering when it is gonna happen…I”m pretty sure that everyone else would really appreciate me maturing.

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