Sometimes I feel like I can’t keep up with the emotions that life brings my way. I spend my day somewhere between joyful and on the verge of tears. To be honest – most of the time I like it. It helps remind me I’m alive.
My oldest got his license last week. He is now driving himself and running my errands. My feelings on that? Happiness that he is a strong and handsome young man who I can trust with a motorized vehicle. Tears that he is so far past the years of sitting on my lap and cuddling with me while he tells me all his secrets, singing with me, and wanting to spend time with only me.
My twins are now connected to the internet (even if it’s only at convenient and free wifi spots). I’ve had to make the rule that they must put their devices of electronic joy away when we’re in the car because it’s the only place we’re forced to be together and talk. Soon they will be 12 and life is quickly slipping by and they will be off doing their own thing too.
A few weeks ago we found out that my mom’s cancer is terminal. There is nothing more they can do for her, but make her comfortable. Something about that makes a person stop, think, and become so emotional over all the years filled with little things that have added up into one big thing called “The Love of a Mom”. There is no place for reason or logic in this time and place. I only see with emotion. To be fair, I am sure that all of life is seen through emotion tempered by logic and reason. Somehow, I feel like that tempering is gone.
There is no way to express all that a mom does and I realize that my mom has not lived what most would consider a glamorous life. But, she has been a wonderful mom to so many. She has spent long nights helping a child with a broken leg, or with a temperature, or any other illness. She has driven thousands of miles to and from school with very little complaining. She’s made hundreds of costumes at the drop of a hat. She’s baked hundreds (maybe thousands) of cupcakes for parties, carnival cake walks, and just as a treat because she loved us. She remembered everyone’s favorite meal on their birthday. She spent thousands of hours on laundry. She listened to me singing nonstop every day. I don’t remember her ever asking me to stop. She watched so many dance and piano recitals – always in the back making sure we were ready and encouraging us along the way. The one thing I noticed more and more as I got older was that my mom always ALWAYS had her Bible open with her journal next to it on her bed. She never missed a night. When I go in her room now – her Bible and her journal are still by her bed. She is nothing if not faithful.
Even now, when we sit by her bed and talk she says things like “Well, let’s just pray for them.” if we are complaining about someone. Or she will say “We are just living this life for Jesus. He knows how it all ends and we just want to be able to show him to everyone around us.”
That’s her legacy. Her faithfulness and her sweet heart. And the emotions I have for this season are LOVE for this woman who is faithful, a lovely example of a true Christ follower – even in the hard times, and pride for how I know she is showing Jesus even when she is sick and in pain. She’s amazing. And, to this girl – she’s even pretty glamorous.